Who am I?
This question has always left me confused. It has never been truly clear to me on the whole. Throughout my life I have had moments of clarity where I see a sort of truth and then in the blink of an eye it's gone and I am left grasping for the concept. I feel that I may be forever seeking the answer to this question. What I do know, for myself, is that unlearning all the things I have been taught and told I am is necessary in the process of remembering a truth about myself. I have spent 29 years seeking faith in who I am; this journey back to my Self- some call it seeking enlightenment, others, Love or God. Still others say The Universe, a Oneness, a Greater Good- this is where I concern myself. This is where I want to be.
It has not been an easy road. There were yearlong bouts of crippling panic attacks and fears of the earth dropping out from beneath my feet. There are still mountains constantly being climbed, ragged breathed and aching, in my heart and mind. And even though it was and still can be excruciatingly painful, the truth of it is:
I wouldn't change a thing.
It has given me a deep compassion for humans. It led me here, to photography and in so doing, lit a desire in my spirit to become a humble shepherd of but a blink in your human experience.
Lately, I have been taking great pleasure in observing people who are genuinely passionate about the work they do. I feel a deep sense of joy and connection with these people because I see in them the same light bulb that switched on in me. The through-line in almost every story being that when you begin doing the thing you feel called to, you quickly see it's less about the thing (for this is merely your tool.) Rather, it's about discovering your true potential as a unique being and in doing so empowering yourself as a catalyst for meaningful change in the world.
And so, to bring this full circle. Right now, my passion is photography. But it has become so much bigger than capturing moments of expression or conceptualizing or even creating beautiful images. And perhaps in a way you could say it's smaller not bigger, because in it's essence, it has become so simple and so human. For me, it has become purely about an experience to be had and felt deeply by a couple of humans in a room. Because I am less interested in what you do or what you will do or have done. I am interested in who you are.
"The mockeries are not you,
Underneath them and within them I see you lurk,
I pursue you where none else has pursued you,
Silence, the desk, the flippant expression, the night, the accustom'd routine, if these conceal you from others or from yourself, the do not conceal you from me,
the shaved face, the unsteady eye, the impure complexion, if these balk others they do not balk me,
The pert apparel, the deform'd attitude, drunkenness, greed, premature death, all these I part aside.
There is no endowment in man or woman that is not tallied in you,
There is no virtue, no beauty in man or woman, but as good is in you..." -W.W.